The Poster Child

Cori Caldwell took her last sip of alcohol on December 9, 2011, just months after a suicide attempt left her facing the darkest days of her journey.

Years of alcoholism, abuse, and depression had led to that moment when 23-year-old Cori Caldwell took her own life. Everything was going according to plan that day as she hanged herself from the tree in a park near her home, that is, until she was saved by a passerby.

A woman happened to walk by and see the incident, and she ran for help where she found an off-duty cop who cut Cori down from the tree and resuscitated her after several minutes of unconsciousness. After her recovery, what she thought of coincidences began to reveal themselves as miracles that could only be orchestrated by God. Cori had always known about God but struggled to trust him with her life.

“The pain was still there, but now I had a reason to keep going,” Cori says of the days following her brush with death. “I knew God wasn’t done with me.”

The renewed hope found in her second chance at life still wasn’t enough to keep her from indulging in her greatest vice: alcohol. The product of an abusive and alcoholic father, Cori followed in his footsteps years prior by taking her first drink at age 16. By 18, she had dropped out of high school and was engaged to a man who shared her addiction.

“Sometimes I wondered if I had a drinking problem, but I thought I was too young and that there was no way. I eventually accepted I was addicted when it got to the point that I had to have a beer in the morning because the shakes were so bad,” Cori says.

It wasn’t until she became pregnant that Cori realized the unhealthy relationship she had gotten herself into. Forced to abstain from alcohol until the birth of her son, this sober realization led to her decision to move back in with her mother while her husband was deployed to Iraq. He came home for the birth of their son, then wasn’t seen again for over a year.

The death of her own father soon after left Cori with an inheritance she chose to spend on relocation. She gave up custody of her son to her mother and moved to Northern California, where she tried to get sober. Despite her attempts, the alcohol always took over.

This brought her to that moment in the park when she decided to give up the fight. The decision was motivated by chilling words from her estranged husband: “Why don’t you just kill yourself, because if you don’t, then I’ll have to do it for you to get away from you.” Her attempts at restoring their relationship were over, and taking her life seemed to be the best escape.

Clearly, God had another way out for Cori.

Determined to start over, she moved back to Orange County, but began living out of her car because she wasn’t able to hold down a job. She would often show up to work drunk or hungover.

After four months spent living in a hotel parking lot, Cori looks back on the sleepless nights in her car as some of the moments she felt closest to God. “When you’re living in your car, there isn’t much else to do but think,” Cori says.

Months of thinking in her four-door aluminum home led Cori to the doors of her first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. She wanted to recover, she wanted her son back, and she wanted hope. Cori attended meetings multiple times a day, and she progressed through the 12-step system despite several relapses.

It wasn’t until a woman spoke at an AA meeting months later that Cori felt encouraged to pursue permanent sobriety. The woman on stage recently experienced the death of her brother by suicide, but spoke about remaining sober throughout the tragedy. For Cori, this was motivation. After her own attempt at suicide had failed, this was a wake up call. “If this woman could go through so much and still not need a drink, then I don’t need one either,” Cori thought.

With a renewed spirit, Cori held tight to the promise of health found in sobriety because she knew it was the only way to get her son back. A surprising glimmer of hope came when Cori was introduced to a woman named Karen one night at AA. Karen, a member of Saddleback, immediately took Cori under her wing. She invited her off the streets and into her home, helped her search for jobs each day, and more than that, she invited her to church.

Sitting in the crowd at Saddleback for the first time, Cori felt comfort as she recognized the similarities between the church service and her typical AA meetings. Both encouraged hope and redemption, but at Saddleback, Cori found the truth she had been needing in Jesus.

Soon after, Cori met her current boyfriend – a Saddleback and AA attendee. It was through both him and Karen that Cori was able to truly see Jesus. She asked questions, struggled through doubts, but ultimately found hope. “I would ask, ‘What about this? What about this?’ because it didn’t always make sense to me, but they tell us in AA to keep coming back even if it doesn’t make sense,” Cori says.

Now, years later, Cori has joined a small group, serves in Saddleback Kids, and is in the church’s counseling training program with hopes to help those who may be struggling in the same ways she has.

Each Saturday when she gets to spend time with her son, they attend church together. On the drive home, Cori always takes advantage of the miles they spend in the car together. “We get a long drive to talk,” Cori says. “He asks me all these questions like ‘Is Jesus alive?’ … I’m teaching him how to pray and why to pray.” Those drives home from church are some of her favorite moments, as Cori sees the relationship she is building with her son and the potential she has to be the light of Christ in his life as she waits for the court decision that could return him to her permanently.

"My life today just makes me glow. I used to be the poster child for hopelessness, but now all I have is hope," Cori says with a smile. 

Click here to learn more about Celebrate Recovery®,  a Christ-centered 12 step recovery program.

To learn more about Saddleback's support groups, including Survivors of Suicide Loss support group, click here.